untouchable.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been insecure. {wow. what a way to start a post!}

For as long as I can recall I’ve had body image issues. {how about that for some open heart truth?}

For as long as I can recollect I’ve been holding on to and watering a lie that has been rooted deep within me. 

But. No. More. 

Insecurity.  An evil word that has, at times, sucked the life out of me and paralyzed me into a completely helpless mess.  A word that had penetrated to the core of my being and shredded my very sense of worth.  It has controlled me, taunted me and even made me a fool to Satan’s manipulative lies.

For a long time I didn’t want to face this battle with my insecurities.  I wanted to pretend that I didn’t need to deal with it. I wanted to believe that it wasn’t an issue, that it was under control and that it really wouldn’t hinder my present growth or future purpose.  I didn’t want to bring it to God, because in all honesty, the lies were so deeply engrained in my heart that I felt like this was something that could never be healed.  I purposely kept my insecurity and self consciousness away from God  {okay, who am i kidding? he knew. i knew he knew. so what was i thinking?} and I purposely didn’t surrender it over to him.

I kept playing this bargaining game with God.  I wanted to live a life that was obedient to him and fully live out my calling, but I was dead set on keeping my insecurity fully intact. {why do we do this to ourselves? because let’s face it, consciously or subconsciously..this is a whole female gender kind of thing!}  I was completely set on keeping my insecurity to myself and hold on to it with a death grip to not surrender it to God. {for some reason, this fear that God couldn’t handle my insecurities saturated my every thought and emotion.  as if my fears were too realistic and truthful for him to battle and that i would be the one person that couldn’t be set free…}

It’s ironic the way that God works sometimes. As you may know, I am involved with a young women’s ministry through my new church, and I consider it such an incredible honor to have the opportunity to be a part of the speaking team for this upcoming semester. {so so exciting! i literally cannot wait!} So guess my surprise when I heard what the topic was going to be for my first speaking engagement in two years…. yep, you guessed it; Insecurity.

It was in that collision of my fears and future, I realized that my bargaining attempts with God had fallen flat.  Yes God was giving me a speaking opportunity, something that I longed and pray for, however, I was going to have to hand over to God the one thing that had always been untouchable. I could hear God telling me, “Laura, I’ll give you the chance to speak, but if you want to speak, you have to hand over your fear. If you don’t let me defeat this now, how can I move you forward?

From that moment, I decided no more.  I decided that insecurity would no longer be a part of my being.  I surrendered my fears.  Handed over my unhealthy thoughts. And placed my utter brokenness at the feet of Jesus.

I wish I could say I was dramatically healed in that moment! {if only it was that easy!} Unfortunately, the battle is still in full force, but what is greater is the sense of peace that I have.  Coming from a lady who never thought that God could heal my image issues, I can tell you with truth and honesty, that when your heart is in the hands of your creator there is a powerful peace in knowing that the victory will be yours.  Satan no longer has his manipulative and evil grip in me, because God has the victory, and I belong to God! Therefore, even though my battle will continue on, I can place my trust in the one who made me, because with him on my side, I will defeat this. I am defeating this.

So my question for you; what is it that you have labeled as untouchable to God? Is it an insecurity? Is it a relationship? Is it your job or finances? Is it your friendships? Is it your future plans?

Whatever it may be, God is desperately seeking to be a part of every area of your life.  To heal your heart from brokenness.  To grant you blessings in and through your life.  And to place you into your divine purpose.  But in order for you to experience that healing, to receive that blessing, and to live out that purpose, you have to surrender everything, {let me say it again…ev-er-y-thing!} over to him.

I know what it is to try desperately to keep something from God.  I know what it is to have genuine fear that God wouldn’t be able to heal me.   I know what it is to truly believe that something is better in my control than God’s.  

But I’m telling you {from experience} that those are all lies.  Lies from the pit of hell itself!

God has something incredible in mind for your life….and it is inconceivable, unfathomable, illimitable freedom.

It takes time to be freed from the lies that Satan has placed within us, so why not start breaking the chains today? Why not surrender that one untouchable thing right now?

I can wholeheartedly say that breaking the first chain was the hardest, and each day I break more and more. It is a process; there is some pain and there is some turmoil.  But I ultimately decided that my untouchable thing was much better off in God’s hands than mine. I ultimately decided that I would believe that God can and will heal every burden that I place at his feet, no matter how untouchable I claimed it to be. 

Freedom is worth the hardship.

Freedom is worth the struggle.  

Will you have faith that freedom is possible?

I hope so.

I truly hope so.

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4 thoughts on “untouchable.

  1. Fantastic post, very well written! This whole concept of hiding things from God is very common. It’s almost as if we think that if we internalize our insecurities they’ll go away and God won’t know. Which isn’t healthy spiritually! Nor is it mentally. Insecurities can literally tear a person apart and keep them from reaching their full potential. I see it everyday. I am so glad that you were able to realize this and make steps towards being confident and secure! With the talent you have and the favor of the Lord, you will be very successful! God bless.

  2. Pingback: claim it. « Laura's Blog

  3. Pingback: We must put faith in the spirit God gave us. « Transient Reflections

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